If trauma were to disturb a dragon, or a bat
Re-imagining our biological and emotional responses to trauma as a menagerie of strange creatures acting out ...
Hi,
Trauma has been on my mind. I’ve been writing about it in my upcoming book, The Home Tree.
It occurred to me some months ago, as my mind took fright and it felt like something was flapping madly in my mind knocking everything out of order, that ‘batty’ is, in fact, a brilliant word to describe a mental state. Someone was beautifully in touch with their inner world.
When I began thinking on the term ‘batty’, I wondered what other creatures might be in my brain….
I understand the aftermath of trauma that echoes back to when we were children experiencing and living things we had to adapt to; the kind that is passed down through generations and dressed up as culture in old expressions, stiff upper lip, seen but not heard, get on with it; the kind people are slowly understanding is an important part of healing - maybe the only hope we really have to become better people.
Each time I recover from something I think the road ahead will be smooth.
And then it’s not.
The hidden parts of me - qualities of my character and the internal ways I respond to the world - take various shapes and sizes like little creatures, some of them are beautiful, some quite ugly.
Gentleness is a night moth who stays still and camouflaged and can only be coaxed out of hiding with the promise of safety. Gentleness is always surprising because it’s so well camouflaged and tucked away. We know how to protect our most gentle nature. The night moth hides until in moments of safety and sanctuary she can emerge and fly free.
My response to stress takes the shape of dragons and bats. They may well be dead asleep and if woken turn the world upside down with their overwhelm and energy and fight flight flap.
I remember my first visit to a medicine person. He told me about fragments of our own souls that splinter and seem to have disappeared and yet, they aren’t gone, just hidden. They can be found and returned home to us. Life is richer for their return. But it takes something special for them to be returned. It has been done. It should be done. They hide well. They require wise and reassuring coaxing - if they are looked for and found. Usually they are not far hidden. Just waiting in hiding to be lovingly, safely, returned to where they truly belong.
One afternoon I took my creatures to the Home Tree.
“We’re going on a picnic.” I said to myself.
I wanted to lay them out under the canopy of green and see what was there. It was time for spring cleaning. I needed to bring them out of myself and not pretend an entire zoo of strange curiosities wasn’t alive in the crevices of my being. They were in my breath when it grew shallow, and my jaw that set with strain and my mind when it stormed with worry.
I looked at the world upside down turning creatures who flapped and the gentle ones who fluttered in the moonlight.
“There’s a common thread.” The branches of the Home Tree creaked.
“They all need love, respect, safety and the space and terrain to keep beating their wings and find their pace.”
Most of us have heard the analogy of being chased by a tiger and how our sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems respond in the face of threat - real or perceived. But the feelings within, the coming to know ones own inner terrain, that’s less discussed.
I’ve studied stress and trauma since my twenties when I discovered, through reading Babette Rothschild’s book ‘The Body Remembers’, that there’s much stored in our bodies laid down by events of the past. And so thinking about this has found its way into my creative and memoire writing.
If you could name creatures that fit with aspects of your personality, or your stress response what would they be? I’m curious to know …
With love,
Lucy
p.s. I write my book surrounded by wild peace in the jungle. My home is a sanctuary for artists and writers and entrepreneurs who need a certain kind of fuel that nature and warmth and beauty provide. You can find out more about coming with your work to stay for while right here: https://www.apothefinca.com/retreat
p.p.s. This is a photo of my writing/art studio - it’s the top floor of my house. In the foreground are cashew, mango, mimbro, citrus trees and banana palms. Up top on the roof are 18 solar panels that provide 100% of the energy for my home and the guest house. Come and visit. It’s magical.
